


Heed Not Temptation (Except when you do)

by LosttotheHoping



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Pairings, F/M, Gen, Melancholy!Coulson, Moar Crack, Random situations, oneshots, prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LosttotheHoping/pseuds/LosttotheHoping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Random oneshots or drabbles</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lockdown Situation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Azhwi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azhwi/gifts).



> Because I CAN. And the last collection somehow turned into an actual story. >.> First Up: (vague) LokixSkye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hacker and a trickster get stuck in a room…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Jo, cuz I thought this would amuse you as much as it does me. Not that you even know who Skye is. But. >.> Butt. Loki's butt. Yes.

“So what’s it like to be a mass murderer?”

“Would you like to find out first hand?”

“Not particularly.”

A beat.

“So.  How about them Mets?”

A glare.  “I have no idea what you are talking about.  Now silence yourself, woman, before I do something you will regret.”

This time, the quiet lasted an entire five minutes before Skye inhaled.  “Would it help if I said you’re pretty?”

At that, Loki actually looked at her, albeit to glower.  The last glare had been directed somewhere over her shoulder and to the right.  He was still trying to figure out how to escape.

She sighed.  “You’re not getting out,” she told him, exasperated.  “Neither of us are.  It’s called a lock down for a reason.”

He scowled and went back to glaring at the door.  “I should be able to use my magic.”

“Oh, protocol after the Manhattan thing includes Loki magic dampeners,” she offered helpfully.  “Or so I hear.  Good to know they work.  Or, it would be good to know, if I wasn’t stuck in here too.”

Naturally, tall, pale and admittedly handsome didn’t deign that one with a response.  She pouted and leaned back in her seat on a shipping crate.  “Dude, you are so not the brother I was daydreaming about getting locked in a room with.”

Loki snorted.  “I am certain,” he drawled in response, which, well, was just sad.

She sat up a little.  “Hey, if you weren’t evil, I’d daydream about you too!”

It was actually pretty impressive that she could hear the eyeroll in his voice.  “Your limited view of morality fails to surprise me,” he said, and prodded the door with a hand.  Nothing happened, and he prodded it again thoughtfully.

“Reinforced,” she commented, leaning a little to the left.  She narrowed her eyes.  Hm.  Okay.  Maybe even _evil_ …  “Rock hard…”

“What?”  He turned and blinked at her.  Then scowled when she turned pink.  “Ridiculous.”  He turned back to the door and proceeded to ignore her.

On the plus side, Skye reasoned as they were forced to wait some more, at least the view was decent.  Homicidal, maybe.  But decent.


	2. Come Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki pwns the come backs. And Skye still manages to come out on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. It's one of those days. No, I don't know how many more of these Skye things I'll be subjecting you to. Hope you enjoy it anyway.

Somehow, being-locked-in-a-storage-room turned into running-away-from-hungry-monsters.  Also, Loki was a skeeze _and_ a cheater.  Not that this should really surprise her or anything, given… well… God of Lies.

“Didyoujustfeelmeup!?” she squeaked, once more on her feet.  He’d had to pick her up to make that jump, considering she was human and wouldn’t have survived it.

Also, just because he was hot did _not_ mean he could feel her up.  She felt it necessary to tell him as much, and got a verbal eyeroll in response.  “ _Do_ shut up.”

Skye scowled and followed him as he hurried across the rooftop.  “Dude, really?  You just _felt me up_!”

“I have not the slightest inkling to what you are referring,” he replied, which she suspected was a big fat lie.  She could only see his back, but that was a very smug set to his shoulders there.

Well.  It could be worse, she supposed.  He could be the silent type.  Or… Coulson.   _Ewwwww_.  “So what are we going to do to get out of this?”

He scoffed.  “We?” he echoed, turning to give her a very superior look.  “What makes you so certain I have not brought you along simply to use you as a distraction later?”

“Uh, A, I’m the only person in the WORLD not actively trying to kill you, and B, I’m cute?” she offered, deliberately widening her eyes to seem less threatening.

Loki stared at her for a second, as if he honestly had no comeback at all.  Skye: 2, Loki: BFN (Big Fat Nada).  Then he turned around and left her on the rooftop.

Skye: 2, Loki: 1.  At least she was still winning.  Sort of.

 


	3. Vision of the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If he is the God of Thunder, she must be the Goddess of Storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for my beloved, who requested the pairing.
> 
> Prompt: Lightning in a Bottle

When he first saw her, he was in utter awe.

Chaos had broken out upon the cherished lands of Midgard in the form of a war.  Their enemy Hydra was officially at odds with their allies in SHIELD, lead by his very own brother.

The other Avengers were all spread out, over the globe, attempting to fight off the attacks along side their allies.  Thus, Thor was alone in his endeavors to stop Loki.

Together, they fought, and Loki laughed when he struck his brother down.  “Look at you, Odinson,” he drawled, circling the blond with the smooth grace of a cat.  “Fallen even before you rise.  Truly, you are a _fine_ tribute to all his power and wisdom!”

Thor growled, stumbling to his feet.  He was weary, and simply wished for his brother to stop.  Stop the fighting, stop the anger, stop hating him.  Why could he not have the man he once knew at his side again?  “Brother, stop this insanity,” he said, stubbornly.

It only seemed to infuriate the mage, and he lunged at Thor, dagger in hand.  They grappled for a moment before Thor’s hand slipped, just enough, and Loki was moving his weapon in toward the seam in his brother’s armour.  Lightning struck the God of Mischief full in the chest- lightning Thor had not called.  The golden prince took the opportunity and summoned Mjolnir to his hand, but Loki wasn’t getting up.

His heart leapt into his throat.  “Brother?” he asked, taking a step.

But a woman lowered herself to the ground nearby.  “I would not, if I were you, Thor Odinson,” she murmured, dark chocolate voice warning.  “He is fine.  Are you not, Loki Laufeyson?”

Loki laughed softly and sat up, looking a little singed but otherwise fine.  “You win this time, _brother_ ,” he spat.  “When you are done letting women fight for you, perhaps we shall battle again!”  His figure rippled and faded away, and Thor swore under his breath.

“Are you injured?” the woman asked, and Thor looked at her.  She was a vision as she’d descended, eyes faded of color and hair swirling in seemingly all elements.  Now, her eyes had darkened to a golden brown, though the wind still tugged her straight ivory locks.

He shook his head at her query and lowered his hammer. “No, I am not. I thank thee for your assistance...”

She smiled and offered her hand. “Ororo Munroe, though many call me Storm.”

Carefully, he caught hold of the proffered limb and lifted it, pressing a brief kiss to her knuckles. When she quirked a brow, he smiled and released it. “Ah, and you already know my name, Lady Ororo. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Before him, Storm nodded and folded her hands together before her, effecting a serene picture like none other he'd experienced. Surely she was the definition of the power that storms bade, _bottled lightning_ , Stark might say.

Thor thought that mayhaps he would seek her out again, and took his leave.


	4. Restraining Order (Or; What happens when you tell Loki 'no')

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye sets forth to learn whether or not she can get a restraining order against her favorite stalker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forwarning, Loki expresses certain opinions about certain religions. If you are particularly attached in any way to Christianity- I don't want to hear the bitching, so just don't read. Otherwise, enjoy!

Skye, after receiving her fifth bouquet of wilted roses, stalked into Coulson’s office on the plane, and slammed her palm down on the desk.  She was only a little satisfied by the force of the rattling of his possessions on it.

Coulson, for his part, merely blinked and looked up at her.  “Was that necessary?”

She scowled.  “No, but it helped.”

“I see.”  He eyed a still-quivering bobble-head doll.

Skye waited a beat for him to go on, but when he didn’t, lost patience.  “Is it possible to get a restraining order against supervillains?”

Her boss’ brows rose slowly.  “I suppose it depends.”

The corners of her mouth turned down.  “On?”

Coulson sighed, looking very much like he’d rather be going head to head with an angry May than counseling Skye on SHIELD legal procedures.  “Which supervillain,” he finally relented.

Yeah.  Skye knew where this was going.  “... Asgardian ones?”  But no one could blame her for hedging the details, right?  Because really, who would even _believe_ it?

Coulson was frowning at her now.  Suspiciously.  “Skye.”  Uh oh.  He was using his Daddy voice; she _must_ be in trouble.

With a sigh, the hacker dragged a chair over and plopped down.  Without further preamble, she told him all about how she’d been getting creepy gifts signed simply, ‘L’ and that they coincided with her last “date” with a certain crazy Mage.

“Date?”  Coulson was frowning hard at her, in that way he did when he was seriously considering the stretch of her sanity, her grasp of ethics and rules, and her inability to make coherent decisions that wouldn’t get her killed.

Coughing, Skye shrugged.  “Just a phrase, sheesh, chill out, daddy-o.  Also- never let me say that again, that was lame.”  She winced.

Coulson manfully ignored that.  “You mean that time the two of you got chased by Skrulls halfway across the city and he left you to die on the rooftop alone so he could escape.”

Skye blinked.  “Er.  No…”  At his frown, she smiled innocently.  “I mean the incident where he pretended to be Natash- er, Agent Romanoff long enough to get me off grounds and then used me in a trap to kill his brother.  Uh.  Adopted brother.  Disowned adopted brother.  He was very touchy about that detail.  I mean, they’re totally sibs.  Just get over it already, kiss and make up, all that jazz.  Obviously he’s not getting over it- and did you miss the part where he’s been sending me dead flora?”

To her surprise, Coulson pulled open a drawer and tugged out a manilla folder.  “Here’s the paperwork.  I’ll have it notarized within twenty four hours of its completion, and deliver it personally.”

Eyes wide, she nodded and took the folder.  “Thanks, G-Man.”  Getting up, she wondered at his easy agreement.

Then she decided that if it worked, she didn’t care.

xXx

Midgardian Winters, Loki thought, were so very mild.  All fluffy snow and irritating slush; hardly any ice at all.  It was so disappointing.

At least there was a mid-Winter festival, after a fashion.  They called it Christmas, after some long-dead mortal with a few mediocre magician’s tricks.  Loki thought it absurd, of course, that they actually _worshipped_ the fool.  It was just one more reason he could take over- for surely if they gave a man transmuting a few fish their devotion, he would have little trouble achieving total dominance.

The corner of his mouth kicked up in amusement.  “Tell me, Son of Coul, are you ‘Christian’?”

“I know too many ‘Gods’ to ascribe to any religion,” came the mild response.  Loki did note, however, that he hadn’t actually said ‘no’.

“A shame,” Loki lamented with feigned sorrow.  “They do _so_ amuse me.”

To his further entertainment, the mortal didn’t deign that with a response.  “Loki Laufeyson of Asgard, you have been issued a restraining order.  By the law of the United States of America, under the Authority of SHIELD Director Nicholas Fury, you are forthwith banned from approaching within a hundred feet of Skye.  If at any time you feel the need to ignore this standing order, you will be subject to the full extent of our laws.”  He paused, face unreadable as Loki stared at him in disbelief, speechless.  Then, “In short, if you don’t stop stalking my consultant, I’ll sic the Avengers on you- and I’ll make sure Thor has scissors.”

A few moments of silence passed between them as the human patiently held out a bundle of papers.  Then the Mage began to laugh.  He couldn’t help himself.  He laughed and laughed, long after Coulson had set the papers down on a rooftop chair and left.

When he was done laughing, he got some _fresh_ flowers and went to visit that foolish woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I know. The ending's kind of.... >.>; Well I hope you liked it anyway.


	5. Moonlight Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson is visited by someone that's not entirely unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. Another one! I was inspired. Coulson's my fave. XD

He woke to moonlight glittering between raindrops through the window of his sparse apartment.  Even as his eyes opened, the rain was slowing to a stop, and he could hear the soft patter of the last few drops against the pane.  He exhaled, and closed his eyes again.  “Six months,” he murmured, voice slightly rough from being asleep.  He’d been dreaming of the torture again.

  
“Eight,” the shadow in the corner of his room corrected.  They said nothing else.

  
Coulson smiled sadly and sat up.  “Are you planning on killing me?”  There was no response.  “No, I suppose not.”  He would already be dead, if that was the case.  “How are they?”

  
The figure shifted just slightly.  “You have no right to ask that, Agent Coulson.”

  
Such ice, such anger, in those words.  He really couldn’t blame her.  “I would say it was orders.”  


  
“You wouldn’t let orders stop you,” she agreed, tone devoid of inflection.

  
He nodded.  “I didn’t want to tell you.  Any of you.”

  
She finally stepped forward, and the moonlight splashed grey against the jet of her outfit, bloody against the ruby of her hair.  Her eyes were still shadowed, still watching him.  “Why?”  Her fists were clenched at her sides, the only outward sign of the turmoil going on in her head.  The sense of betrayal.  
  


“You’d already mourned me.  I didn’t want to pain you further, not until I knew the truth,” he said softly, and sighed, eying her.  “And then I did.  I didn’t want you to know it.”

  
“I do now,” she replied flatly, and her hands relaxed.  “You didn’t have to suffer alone.  You have us.  All of us.”  She paused.  “Tony made you an official Avenger, after your funeral.  No one argued.”

  
He swallowed and nodded.  “I know.”  She threw something at his face, and he caught it automatically.  “Wha-?”

  
“Tomorrow, eight AM.  The tower,” she said, already disappearing through the door when he looked up.  “Don’t be late.”  Then she was gone.

Coulson looked down into his hand, at a small black, strangely shaped device.  It was circular, with a large A on the front, and when he opened it, a screen glimmered darkly in the pale light through the window.  There were two half-circle buttons pressed together on the lower half of the device, one red with another A, the other gold with an S.  
  
An Avengers communicator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May write others along this plot line. May not. Either way, hope you enjoyed.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don't take and use or post elsewhere. Thank you.


End file.
